Category: Let's talk
This stems from a conversation earlier today but really is something I've always considered.
During a conversation someone stated that he liked girls with long hair, or actually more to the point, didn't like girls with short hair. This statement provoked the reaction from someone else that she must be ugly then.
But actually what is ugly?
Obviously we all have our preferences in terms of the physical trates that we find attractive in others, but generally most people are found attractive by someone. And ultimately, while it is perhaps a bit of a clichet, isn't it your personality that defines whether or not you are a beautiful person?
If someone is what would typically be described as stunning, yet they are a complete bitch/bastard, their looks will only attract you at the beginning, but once you get to know them as a person the exterior becomes irelevant. Similarly if a less attractive (and to be honest I am reluctant to use the term ugly) is a nice person on the inside, then equally their exterior is not relevant in the long-term. We don't befriend people based on what they look like, although i concede that if you're after more than a friendship then a physical attraction is obviously more important.
I am 5 ft 2, have shoulder-length brown hair, brown eyes, am petite (and no, that's not a description for a dating website). Am I pretty? I don't know. Then again if I said yes, wouldn't that take away from my personality? Vanity is not an attractive trate after all.
Personalitywise I will do anything for my friends. I have a sense of humour, am caring, but I don't tolerate idiots and am very outspoken.
I know there are people who think I am a nice person. Equally I know there are people who think that I am not.
So it comes down to the title, beauty/uglyness is actually just a matter of opinion, as what to one is beautiful is ugly to someone else.. discuss...
Sometimes I think most of what concerns people is a matter of opinion. But as for beauty, I find most people are content to only believe beauty is on the surface and physical. I bet there are many people who would gladly be in the company of a beautiful person no matter how much of a rotten lousy jerk that person might be. I also think people are given all these images that are fantasies or ideals and they translate them into some sort of standard, such as these super-thin models being mistaken for some sort of standard to live up to rather than some fantasy ideal designed to sell you things.
Interesting as my friend who is going through a split up and I were discussing this very thing just the other day...He is sighted. But, he is not attracted to women who are extremely overweight, but I know of at least one guy who does not go for a woman unless she is extremely overweight. It is a matter of attraction, but he also pointed out that for the sighted world "the outward appearance is the first thing we see", and that makes since if you stop and try to consider the way most sighted individuals are...They rely so much on their sight, even to the exclusion of other sinces...
Well, this is pretty much stating the obvious, isn't it? Everything is a matter of taste and perspective, there is no ultimate truth, people can doubt or believe anything, despite whatever proofs you throw at them.
Your looks can determine your luck and the type of person you end up with, and so do your tastes and preferences.
A good looking person will garner more attention and opportunities than someone who is not so "hot" (assuming there is not a standard, but a trend, of what society finds attractive, which we can agree, I think, there is). First impressions can be very important and give you an opening or opportunity to make further impressions and show your personality, but if you do not get that first chance your personality does not get a chance to show.
And this can affect the type of guy, or girl, you end up with. A guy who has low self esteem or really wants easy sexual encounters may prefer to go for a girl that is overweight or in other ways not so pretty. Such a guy might actually be a very nice guy who gains self esteem in the relationship and turns out a great boy friend, or he could be a complete loser looking for a quickie.
People who are considered hot are more picky, more self centerred and self assured (in most cases) so you may often get a different type of person.
On the upside they take good care of themselves and might have the confidence to make it and to be successful careerwise, more so than people who are not hot, on the other hand confidence is but a short step below self importance and arrogance and those are not desireable long term qualities either.
I think people obsessed with their look and showing off to the world how hot they are, tend not to make good partners. Partly because of that, and partly because you will be in constant competition with other suiters and someone will always be trying to tempt your partner away from you.
Being smart and reasonably fit are the most attractive qualities a girl can have, for me personally. I find overweight girls not attractive, not because I am shallow or have anything against it, per ce, I have friends who are a bit on the big side and that is fine, but for a partner you need physical attraction and that is one physical aspect that just does not attract me, but there's a lot of people who feel differently. I find smoking even a bigger turn off and would never date or even make out with a smoker, but that again, is just me.
We all have strategic preferences in selecting a partner, do we go for one that we consider equal, better off or on a higher level than we are, or one that is "below" or inferior to us and we may have control over or influence over, and makes us secure.
I think a lot of our choices break down to this type of evaluation, even if we do not put it like that to ourselves.
Your partner will say a lot about you and is, genreally, I think someone you need to feel happy with and proud off, I prefer someone I can truly call my better half and mean it.
But, then again, different strokes for different folks.
As soon as I heard jaws read "beauty/uglyness is just a matter of" I automatically filled in blood alcohol content.
Well it's true isn't it.
there are certain qualities a man must have to be attractive to me, though, that doesn't mean that people who don't have those qualities are ugly to me, it just means that I personally wouldn't consider them relationship material.
I dislike smokers, and I would never consider one as a partner, but I have friends who smoke, and I don't think less of them as people, I just wouldn't ever date them because kissing them, or being any closer than normal friends would is just a disgusting thought.
I guess there are things we prefer in our partners. I prefer men with accents from foreign backgrounds. I find them incredibly attractive. However, like has already been pointed out, if I met someone who had those qualities who turned out to be a bastard, I wouldn't be attracted for long.
I guess these are the things we use to distinguish potential partners from just friends or everyone else.
To me, the inner beauty of a person is what matters most. People who are physically unattractive, but good, kind, caring and honest are preferable than attractive people who are horrible.
Too many people focus on the wrong thing. I don't say this because I am blind. Over a year ago, the physical beauty of people I interact with would have mattered. Now I have a different perspective, which is based entirely on on my beliefs.